The life and times of people just like you... and me.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Survival Skills



So I've printed out all of these organizational planner pages... and now I have to laugh.

Two pages per day, and yes, I could fill them up with all of the things I should accomplish (and then get to the end of the day and feel like crap because I barely got through two or three of them)...

Here they are in case they would help instead of intimidate you:
http://professorpoppins.blogspot.com/2011/03/family-planner.html

When I was pregnant with the Little Miss, I wrote out a schedule, a daily/weekly/monthly housekeeping schedule that I thought was reasonable (you know, since I'd JUST be at home with the baby... insert insane laughter...) I came across that list in a journal just about a month or so ago, and really had to laugh at my delusional self. Of course, I had no idea what kind of ride I was in for with Little Miss, but I have to believe I had set my standards unrealistically high for myself.

Especially when you consider I would rather have a cavity filled than clean a bathroom.

So here I sit, busy week ahead and an 18-page stack of planner pages for the week.

I could fill these boxes with a thousand things.

Do you know the only thing that comes to mind to write down right now?

Survive.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Why You Major....

*iPad tone sounds*

Child asks "what is that?"

Mom replies "nothing major."

Child, incensed, "my name is not Major!"

Monday, June 18, 2012

Thanks for the Laughs!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted! It is the end of the school year for us, and I have asked the kids to take over the annual writing of thank you notes to their teachers. Since they are still pretty new to this task, I created a sheet to help them along - especially since Little Miss has so many teachers to thank!

The responses to my prompts are generating some pretty good giggles. My favorite so far:

"Thank you for showing me..." was completed with "where the bathroom is."

Hey, that is news you need!

Anyway, if you are looking for a fun, personal way to show your teachers their efforts are appreciated, go ahead and use our letter. You may find yourself making photocopies to put in their scrapbooks!



Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Thanks, Easter Bunny!

Just prior to her tonsillectomy, which preceded Easter by just a few days, Little Miss informed me she knew the Easter Bunny is real.

Considering I've been waiting to have exactly the opposite conversation with one of my children or the other; I asked, hesitantly, for confirmation that I'd heard her correctly.

"Of course," she assured me. "There's a REAL person in that costume!"

So it was revealed... Little Miss thinks there is a REAL person in a REAL costume who REALLY comes into your house in the middle of the night to bring you candy and gifts...

Her Mom is kinda creeped out... REALLY!

Friday, March 2, 2012

My Marketing Maven

While Little Miss was bathing, she began using her feet to put on a puppet show. It was a really imaginative performance! Long legs dangling two similarly long, slender feet over the edge of the tub. They become quite lively as they bounce back and forth along the length of the tub, toes wiggling in reaction to her higher-pitched, slightly gravelly character voice.

The best part was the end, her call-to action: absolutely perfect!

Her exclamation, "Visit our website at www.FeetTv!" is met with riotous laughter from mom and a smirk and snicker from dad.

People, this is my "Special Needs" child. I believe she is a creative genius with a hilarious sense of humor! I wonder where it will take her...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I Stand Corrected

The fella is taking a bath. Little Miss came in to chit-chat. I motioned her out of the bathroom, explaining that The Dude needed some privacy. They both questioned, "why?"

"Because The Dude is in the bathtub, and you don't need to see his personal stuff," I explain.

The young man requests clarification, "By 'personal stuff,' do you mean genitals?"

(Can you hear my brain sizzling?)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Easy Readers

My little fella started first grade quite adamant that he was NOT doing any reading at home. His work was limited to the classroom only!

With the support and encouragement of his teacher, our friends (and a stubborn mom), he has evolved and accepted he WILL be reading! Five months later, he is often found reading to me at bedtime.

Much to my delight, he asked me to close my eyes (after I had told him we would only had time to read ONE book). He stuffed several easy readers inside the spines of each one successively, and then read them all to me as one book. Certain he had fooled old mom, his eyes glimmered and his smile was hard to hide as he read his (rather long) Hot Wheels book to me.

Really, would you have stuck with the one book edict? He still thinks he fooled me.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

That'll Be Twenty Cents for the Surgery

Little Miss is playing doctor tonight. I was her lucky patient.

It was obvious right away this was going to be a procedure like no other. I was told before we began the eye exam, that I was going to need surgery on my arm.

"Will it hurt?" I ask.

"No," the doctor says.

"Do you promise?"

"No."

Fortunately for me, after a lot of writing in notebooks and following pens with my eyes until I felt like I'd spent the last few hours on a Tilt-a-Whirl, the surgery on my arm (which was performed with a broken old cell phone) was declared a success. I was charged twenty cents, and allowed to use the money in the doctor's own Hanna Montana container, to pay for these services.

I thanked the doctor very kindly, and was instructed to follow the path out her door.

I went the wrong way.

I heard the doctor muttering as I continued down the hall that she simply could not believe the nerve of some people...

...After all she'd done for me.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Have You Ever...?

... Accidentally put a pair of your young son's underwear in your husband's dresser drawer?

Try it sometime, accidental or not, I promise, it'll be worth it!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Cake Pops My Eye!

The kids are all about Bake Pops. In a fit of desperation to cheer my son one day, I bought a set of these pans. Actually, I had problems with the website and bought about six sets of these pans, but that's another story.

The one set of pans I did not return (children have amazing abilities to turn bright, happy eyes into sad, starving hound dog eyes in a heartbeat... it's really not cool!) has sat for months now in it's original packaging beside my desk. Sometimes someone will say "We should make Bake Pops!", and almost instantly some other event occurs and the thought evaporates like a drop of water on a super-heated sheet of metal.

I recently had the privilege of volunteering for a book fair at the kid's school and found... oh yes... an entire recipe book dedicated to Cake Pops! Dazzled by exciting photographs of delectable, child-delighting creations and otherwise completely delusional, I bought the book.



That night, I washed the Bake Pop pans. My son gasped when he realized what I'd done. I've made no promises to produce anything more than pre-washed pans at this point. No one knows of the existence of this inspiring piece of literature in our house. I'm content to keep it that way.

After working through my must-do list for the day, I sat with a cup of tea to peruse this spiral-bound, motivational speaker, and quickly realized that Cake Pops (Note the difference here - Cake Pops vs Bake Pops... apparently the cheater mom's go-to) require first baking a cake, then crumbling fresh-baked cake into a fine meal to mix with a bunch of other stuff and six million other steps to produce these divine confections.

"Set aside a couple of HOURS (!!) for the crumbling and molding process," the book states repeatedly.

Yes, and this is the point where I chuckled insanely, tucked the book back in it's dark and reclusive hiding spot, and went back to work.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Kindled Kidneys!

Bedtime discussions with my kids are the highlight of my existence! Tonight, The Dude and I conversed on a wonderfully winding path that somehow came to me trying to explain what it feels like to have a kidney infection.

I explained the burning, stinging sensations. I thought I would go over the fever and chills stuff, but forgot all about it as The Dude sought to clarify my initial descriptions.

"Why is that? Is it like your filter is on fire?"

Hmmmm... Yup! It's pretty much exactly like that!

Foul!

When we were expecting our second child, I remember a nurse asking if we planned to attend child-birth classes. Seeing in my chart this was my second child, she quickly corrected herself.

"Oh! This is your second! Well, you know everything then!"

WRONG!!

Though perhaps we didn't need a second childbirth class (I say 'perhaps', because the first one was really amusing, so it might have enough entertainment value to warrant a re-run), I've decided every family who is about to welcome their first sibling to the brood DOES need a class. What kind of class?

Conflict Mediation.

There should be a handbook, a scorecard and advice on exactly whose turn is it to play the Wii? How are television rights divvied out fairly? Who got the last cookie? Who goes to bed first?

Along with your certificate of completion, there should also be a referee's jersey and a whistle.

I'm sure a lot of newbie parents of sibs would think this was overkill... but give them anywhere from 2-6 years, and I'd put my money on the parenting coach that led this class getting a TON of fan mail and thank you letters! No returns on the whistle, either... possibly some requests for athletic cups and protective eyewear...

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

And a Prickly 'Good Morning' to You, Too!

There are few things sweeter than having your child crawl into bed to cuddle just as it is time to start the day. Having had a good sleep, then getting to wake up to sweet smelling hair and soft cheeks... there are few things comparable in my book!

So the morning started out a pleasure as my little guy crawled into bed and began burrowing his warm little body into the covers and snuggling up against me. My arms instinctively wrapped around him and pulled him close. The moment had no longevity, as my little boy quickly shuddered and "Uck!"ed his way away from me.

"ICK, Mom! Shave Your Pits!"

OK, seriously, it'd had been ONE DAY. We're not talking about any sort of gorilla underarm action here at all!

I was informed there were to be NO "Specks" of ANYTHING under my arms. None!

Talk about a double standard! Does he ever talk to his dad that way???

Profanity Expansion

Autumn has learned the power of profanity. Actually, maybe Autumn has learned the power of INFLECTION.

Little Miss's bunny was behaving rather poorly. She simply would not be calm and quiet in the Little Miss's arms like a good little baby should be! Little Miss tried to laugh and soothe her way through it, but the bunny/baby was not complying. Soon we were into disciplinary action and threats, to which the bunny also was not responding. Just as even the best mother's find the end of their ropes, Little Miss was exploring the end of hers.

What happens when a mom gets fed up? Sometimes shouting, sometimes swearing! Here's what Little Miss resorted to:

"You need to settle down, you stupid Jackrabbit!"

I'm glad "Jack" has been deemed the most powerful aspect of that particular profanity...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Insanity Defense

Our dog simply must be hard of hearing.

He sleeps inside at night. When he is ready to come in, we let him in through an entrance at the side of our house. When he is waiting at the back of the house, you have to make sure he sees you, then motion to him that you are going to the side of the house in order for him to meet you there and come in. Our house is not large and there are no odd angles for sound to get lost in, but if you do not take this step, you can stand screaming at the top of your lungs until they bleed, and he will not come.

I heard Storm tapping at the door, and, wanting to save myself a couple of steps, asked The Dude to motion to the dog and act like he was going to the kennel. I would go open the door at the side of the house to let Storm in. The Dude agreed and I left for the door.

I hollered and hollered... no dog.

I'm getting irritated.

I rap on the door and holler "STORM!"

Nothing.

One more time.

"Dog! I mean it!"

The dog comes from BEHIND me, from INSIDE the house, and runs OUT the door!

The Dude had let him in the back door and put him in the kennel. I never heard or saw either of them.

I thought I'd lost my mind.

You've never heard a little boy laugh harder.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Fear of the Uninformed

Overheard in my house this morning:

"Oh, yeah, well, I was trying to find gum and I couldn't! Then there was this BIG bang and...."

(nervously) "??? And then what happened???"

(voice trailing off) "Oh, I don't know..."

Monday, January 2, 2012

Nighty-nights

The Dude has been having bad dreams. Little Miss is feeling very big sister-like tonight, and has brought him a cup of water. As I wait in her room to read her bedtime story, she is giving her little brother a list of appropriate dreams that he can choose to have instead of any bad dreams.

She tells him to dream about things he likes, such as macaroni and cheese, a favorite book or something else that makes him happy. She has finally returned to her room, and is now instructing me on how to better comfort my son when he gets scared at night.

Time to listen, she's got some fascinating tips!

The Art of Compromise

Our first true snow of this 2011 - 2012 winter. Hubby has the day off and intends to watch a little football this afternoon. He told the kids they would have all morning to play the Wii, but they should take turns with it until it was his turn later.

They expressed their understanding and, as they were walking away, we heard The Dude say to his sister "Do you understand? That means you have to agree with me."

I really need to learn to negotiate like that!

2011 to Remember



Looking back on the past year, there've been a million hilarious little moments. It's hard to remember them all (hence the blog!) Here's one I find pretty unforgettable.

The Hubby and I took the kids to the Columbus Zoo. This is a favorite family trip we like to take on a near-annual basisd while on our way to visit The Hubby's family. This year, we went around Memorial Day weekend and also saw our oldest nephew graduate high school.

On our drive to Ohio, the kids watch their DVDs. This year, Looney Tunes has been a massive smash with both of them! If I ever have the chance to record Little Miss watching Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny in their "Chaaaaargee!" and "ReeeTReeeaatt!" bit, I swear I will do it. Nothing in her ten years on Earth has ever made her laugh any harder than that.

I spent moments this year on the floor of my kitchen with my back against the cupboards and hands clasped firmly over my laughing mouth, listening to her screaming "Chaaarrrggeeee!" and laughing hysterically! This has been the year for Little Misses sense of humor to finally make it's presence clearly known. Last year, she started getting dizzy when she spins herself around, this year, she found her funny.

But the funniest funny of 2011 for me came from The Dude. At the zoo that day, we were pretty well walked out and beginning to make our way to the car. Hubby was walking in front of Little Miss and me with The Dude, and a rabbit ran across the path in front of them. Hubby said "Dude, look! A rabbit!"

The Dude didn't skip a beat.

"Be vewy, vewy quiet!" He said.