Persistence, Faith, Determination and Love

Running has become a thing for me. I don't know precisely the reason why. I walked for years, and maybe it just became time to go faster. Maybe it was because I started donating blood to a little boy with leukemia, and I was determined to make the best blood I could possibly make for him.

Yeah, that last one had an awful lot to do with it. I started taking vitamins right around then too. Now I know two young boys fighting for their lives. It is amazing how wanting them to be healthy so badly has made me more healthy too. The side-effects of good intentions I guess?

Then, there is that whole thing about staring down the 40 door…
I wanted to be able to run a 5K without losing my breath. Turns out I can run about 4.5 miles without losing my breath!

Which leads to this:

I was tired this morning. Christmas is kicking my butt this year! And work, and volunteering and parenting (which directly translates to TONS of appointments and extra-curricular running!) I've got a cold. I am WIPED out. But I ran today anyway. 2.5 miles. So tired, I forgot to stretch my tight hip before I went out the door. So scattered, I forgot my ankle brace (which is a BIG no-no!)!

I ran on snowy roads in sneakers that aren't made for snow running. But I went.

I was asking for trouble and taking foolish chances born of illness, exhaustion an overtaxed mind.

So I went carefully. I chanted to my boys, battling such horrible beasts. I willed them (and myself) to keep on.

Now, for the rest of the day, nothing will be difficult. 

It's a two-and-a-half-mile pep talk. Everyday. The image above appeared in my mind as I went. 

A friend told be about something huge that has little chance for success. I am willing that huge thing to happen. I was afraid when I heard about it. I feared the worst. But today… today I'm focused on that chance. That chance that it will work! 

When you want something bad enough, all you really need is a chance, right?

I'm glad I took my chances today. Everything turned out fine, and I am better off for the effort. 

Persist at your goals and have faith that you will learn as you persist! Be determined to live true to your intentions and do everything out of love: for yourself and love for the lives you impact.

Choices

There are loads of people in the world who make bad choices. That would actually be all of us at one time or another. The wiser of us quickly realize our bad choices can really hurt other people and we try not to make them. Sometimes it is easier to make bad choices when the victim will be some faceless person you are not likely to ever encounter.

Today, I am that faceless person.

The choice someone made wasn't deadly, just stupid and thoughtless. As I cleaned up their mess, I realized how lacking in care this person (or judging by the size of the mess, four people) actually must be. So, to the person or people who made me choose road cleanup instead of a relaxing cool-down walk after my jog, I offer the next few words.

MAKE BETTER CHOICES

1. Smoking kills. Both Marlboro and Seneca will cause the same result. I hope you weren't arguing on my favorite road about which brand is better. They are both equally toxic.
2. So does McDonald's, Wendy's and Burger King — where I see by your receipt you spent $11 and got some change that you didn't manage to toss out your window. What? No tip for the clean-up crew?
3. Pepsi will increase your chances of becoming diabetic (and a host of other things), ah yes, perhaps this is my five-cent tip?

Clearly, you must be in pretty bad shape, as it was too much effort to find a trash can within which to dispose of your crap. Perhaps your poor choices are caused by lack of oxygen to the brain from all the fast food and smoking. Maybe you should consult your doctor. A nice regime of healthy eating and walking might cure a lot of your ails, and give you time to notice how ugly litter looks along the side of a beautiful dirt road.

In the mean time, you are welcome. Oh, and uh, good luck with those scratch-off lottery tickets. Maybe if you win, you will be able to afford trash service.

There's This Kid I Know...

He is five years old. His name is Brett and this past December, he was diagnosed with AML-FLT3. I have learned a lot about those six letters and that nasty little number in the past few months. If you don't happen to be in the loop, they stand for a really wicked form of leukemia that requires multiple rounds of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant to stand a chance of recovering.

It is a scary, scary journey. This little boy and his family have endured so much in the past six months. His mom is my friend, and she amazes me with her seemingly endless energy and ability to fight, nurse, love and still parent ALL of her three children! Her husband is withstanding all of this quite remarkably too - they are a strong family. You can find out more (and aid their fight!) by visiting their website: http://brettsbunch.wix.com/brettsbunch

Sandy called today to fill me on on another family's battle. She is very worried about another little boy, who was also an AML patient and is now a survivor! However, today that 11-year-old child suffered a stroke. I'm sure you can imagine, as I do, that his body is probably quite worn after such an intense battle with cancer.

Brett is recovering from a bone marrow transplant currently. He is doing well! But there is concern in our hearts for this other family and this other boy who is now fighting to recover in a new way.

Oddly, it is not fear I feel, but gratitude.

Not for this child (or any child's!) suffering. No. I wish that never happened.

I feel gratitude for open eyes - my own, first and foremost.

Tunnel vision happens. We get bogged down in our own lives, and think we do not have time or energy to help anyone else. You see charity organizations begging for time and finances on television or in your digital travels and think you are too stretched to help or your efforts will be wasted by some corrupt organization, and you pass it by. We all do it, and we as individuals cannot support all of the myriad causes there are to support!

But there is always something that can be done, and there is always something YOU can do.

For me, it's blood donation. Since Brett got sick, I've gone every 56 days to Roswell Park to direct blood donations to my favorite little superhero. Doing this, I've found, benefits me just as much as it (hopefully!) benefits Brett! I take better care of myself. I drink more water. I take a daily vitamin that I just could not remember to take with any sort of regularity before this child got sick. Now, I am like clockwork. My whole reason for doing this is to make REALLY good blood for Brett!

I've decided, even when Brett doesn't need my blood anymore, someone else will. I will keep on being a blood donor. Because now I know there are always families out there with a kid waging war on an enemy within. There is always a parent trying to be brave while hoping and praying for a miracle. There is always a community in the shadows with their hearts open and their energies directed at clearing the way for the miracle they deeply believe will happen for their intended.

Closing our eyes to these circumstances doesn't make them any less real. Looking back, I think I've partly shut them out because I was afraid of the fear and the pain of joining what on the surface may look like a losing battle. What I've learned is, when it is your friend, your community… the fear and pain in NOT acting is far more intense! I have to wait 56 days between blood donations. 56 days feels like an eternity! I have even tried to convince the donor center I am strong enough to do it more often (that doesn't work, just FYI).

Acting, giving, DOING creates hope, power and love! Don't get me wrong, tears are created too. Lots of them, and some are fear tears. But some are tears of amazement, and overwhelming pride when you see others acting, doing and helping to support your cause in amazing ways.

Not all of us are created to dash into burning buildings and save trapped babies, but ALL OF US have the ability to reach out in some capacity. It's not about having the time or not having the time, it is about having the choice to Make the Time.

A Little Bit Autistic

We're planning our first ever family vacation. It's coming up so fast! We'll be on our way to Florida before we know it. We've planned it in a rush, because some people just don't do well with waiting and planning for things. As such, like all things that happen in a rush, issues are coming up that we may end up paying for months after this little adventure has concluded.

This isn't really my style at all. I am a planner. I try not to do things I do not KNOW with all certainty I have the time, energy and resources to take on.

It could be said, I am wholly lacking in spontenaity. I wouldn't be offended.

SO, as these things crop up, the hair on the back of my neck is also beginning to appear as vertical to their follicles. I've been told by several to chill out. Relax... it's a once in a lifetime thing... and for one of my children, it might be the only good thing they ever experience in their lives, so I should just do everything I can to make the most of it.

Yah, did you get that? I believe the quote was:

"She's not going to have much to look forward to in her life."

or maybe it was

"She's not going to have a very happy life."

I have to remember that it is the words I hate, not the person who said them.

High-fiving a friend for a job well done!

Meanwhile, the person whose life is apparently already over in some minds, is making some really big gains in mine. She has not identified with the Autism diagnosis in the past, because others she knows to be Autistic are more severely affected than her. It makes sense, really. If you don't act like the people you are told are Autistic, how can you BE Autistic yourself?

I haven't pushed this. It's more important she knows WHO she is than what others classify her to be.

It would seem that she is starting to understand the spectrum that is Autism. I've talked to her about Temple Grandin, and we've even connected to a young woman on the spectrum who is beginning her career as an ABA therapist! There are SO many positive role models who are also Autistic!

Last night at bedtime, she asked me about Autism. She asked me what causes it, and then "am I a little bit Autistic, mom?"

I was honest.

She said "I don't want to be Autistic! This is just... ridiculous."

Hmmm... yep, it does feel ridiculous sometimes. Why my baby? Why my friends' children. WHY anyone? Ouch. It's scary. The future is scary, because there are so many more unknowns than for most mainstream children.

But you know, I didn't tell her she wasn't going to have a very happy life. I didn't tell her she had nothing to look forward to. I told her she is amazing. I told her I love her. I said "you have already done so much more than anyone thought you could do! You grow and surprise us all of the time, and you will never stop growing and surprising us. You can do anything you want to do. Remember this honey, you may be different, but that doesn't mean you matter less."

You see, as her mother, it is impossible for me to believe her future is bleak. I did not bring this child into the world to suffer. I'll be damned if she will not thrive. Hopeless talk hits me like a rock in my chest at first, and then (pardon the language) it just pisses me off. Her life is far from over. She is headed ever upwards and I WILL do everything I can to make that statement ring true over and over, year after year, until the time comes when I am not physically here to do so AND THEN I intend to use whatever earthbound energy God sees fit to give me to sit on the shoulder of my children (because there is one not on the spectrum who I feel just as strongly for) and continue to whisper "you can, you Can, you CAN, YOU CAN, YOU WILL!!!" in their ears every single day until they draw their last earthly breaths and our spirits are finally rejoined in the ether of time and space.

Over the years, her teachers and therapists and I (and of course, my Little Miss) have worked together and found key after key and unlocked door after door and brought this child further and further out of her cocoon and into the light of being. The keys are coming slower these days, but they do still come. If you want to focus on tragedy and lost potential, I guess that is your choice, but I see miracles. I see potential. I see wide open space in which ANYTHING is possible - things we can't even imagine!

DO NOT pity us. DO NOT PITY MY CHILD. By being unbound by the constraints of mainstream society, her potential becomes BOUNDLESS. I'd advise you to take a big, deep breath; sit back; and prepare to be completely astounded.

A Crossroads

There comes a point in life, when you realize your worth. When you decide, you simply are not going to settle for being placed in a position that makes others comfortable, but doesn't utilize your own strengths and skills. It's not OK to be shoved in a corner. It is NEVER OK to allow yourself to be shoved in a corner, when you are meant to shine!

That said, it is also not really OK to assert yourself where you are not wanted, either. It's not fair to you, not fair to those you are imposing yourself upon. It's just time to go. Sometimes, it means letting go of things you always wanted to be part of your world. That makes it really hard. Sometimes, it means accepting that the people you most wanted to SEE you, to accept you and appreciate you are never going to. It means being ready to open your arms and your heart to the people who DO see you, who do appreciate you, who do accept you. Not easy, is it?

The great thing about the man without a country, is that he can choose to make ANY country his own! The same is true when you are pushed out of a "nest" you always thought you'd call a home. You have wings... don't be afraid to use them. It's time for flight, observation, and finding a new place for your heart to dwell.

What Might Have Been (and wasn't!)

I feel compelled to just blurt out somewhere in type all of the things that didn't happen this past weekend. Depending on your perspective, it was both eventful and uneventful at the same time. I am very thankful for both the events and near-misses that have me seriously wiping sweat from my brow and lifting my eyes to the heavens and whispering my thanks quite often even still. Maybe I should just get right down to it. I do still have to clock in and get some work done today; maybe emptying my head of all of this will help move that intention forward.

Here is what didn't happen:

Angel prevents fire, then reveals herself in a dream

• We didn't have a house fire (almost, but thankfully, nope!)
• We weren't stranded in town with both keys and phone locked in car (for long, anyway)
• We didn't have to cancel any play dates
• We didn't have to not share pie with loved ones
• We ceased to have to fight about whose turn it is with the iPad
• We didn't have to cancel a special ladies day I planned two weeks ago

Here's what happened:

• My quilt rack in the bathroom caught fire
• I locked my keys and phone in my car while grocery shopping
• We hosted two play dates
• We baked and shared a homemade blackberry pie with my brother, dad and a handful of nieces and nephews
• I had a wonderful chat with an angel (in my dreams, but aren't dreams the very best place to find inspiration and enlightenment?)
• The iPad fell into a coma (issue remains unresolved, the only "Hanging Chad" of the weekend)
• We had a lovely little breakfast, just mom and the kids, at Bob Evans
• I made it to the Trillium Lodge for Sip 'N Paint with my mom and sister

Here are some take aways:

• New house rule: If someone lights candles in  your home, that person should be personally responsible for making sure they are all extinguished. When you are so fried you compel someone to draw a bath and light your candles for you... you are in no shape for taking responsibility for extinguishing them - really, you are not
• It might be a good idea to give your nearest neighbor a spare key to your car (my nearest neighbor gave birth to me, this seems a wise move)
• At the ages of 8 (and up I hope!), play dates amidst chaos do not seem to add more chaos, and even seem to reduce chaos at times
• iPads need Otterboxes
• When sharing pie with loved ones, bake two pies... because life is always better with more pie!
• Sip 'n Paint... as much as humanly possible.

  

  Sip 'n Paint Friends - can't wait to do this again!

Canadian Thieves?

The Dude lost his glasses after swimming a couple of weeks ago. I was livid! How many times have I told him NOT to leave them on the window ledge outside the pool? "Put your glasses case in your swim bag, and store your glasses in the case. They will be safe there!" If that weren't a decent option, I sit at practice nearly every day, just hand them to me!

SO, when the glasses were not on the ledge after practice, he was stressed, and I was steamed!

We went back to the pool to notify his coach. Without hesitation, she suggested the custodian likely had them. We found Mr. Custodian in the hallway, and sure enough, he did.

The following week, we were headed off to the pool again. This time, The Dude has his glasses case! I praise him for remembering. He smiles and said "I won't let the Canadians steal my glasses ever again!"

Whaaaaaa???????? The Canadians??????

"Isn't that what Mrs. Coach called that guy who had my glasses? The Canadian?"

And this, my friends, is how cultural bias begins...

Bad Buggeroos

Team Gregarious has spent the last five days in the company of a rather nasty stomach flu. I am aware that is not the proper term, but you all know what I mean. Vomit, diarrhea, aches, chills, fever... it's been nasty! Happily, I managed to help my three peeps to the road to recovery before falling victim to the villainous vomit myself. When I did get it, it was comparatively mild to what I watched my son and hubby experience, and I was lucky hubby had the day off and could entertain Little Miss while I rested (and writhed in pain from headache, chills and aching hips and spine... yuck). 

As soon as I thought my stomach could handle it, I made my Recovery Smoothie. This is super-simple, but I swear by it and wanted to share!

Recovery Smoothie
In a blender, combine these ingredients
1/4 C. Plain Yogurt (mine is Greek)
1  Banana
2 tbs. Honey
(a little milk if you would like a thinner smoothie)
1/4 tsp. salt

You may be thinking "Salt???" Yes, salt. You've lost a lot of it. People swear by Gatorade for its electrolytes. What are electrolytes?  Basically, a bunch of minerals, and salt is one. A couple of others are Calcium and Potassium (hence, yogurt and banana!). You also need to get the good bacteria going in your stomach again, and yogurt with live active cultures is perfect for that.

It helped! Yay! It always does (that's why I am sharing)!

Today, both kids got on the bus and the hubby went back to work. I'm loads better, but maybe not 100%. So, Step 2 is a good soak in the tub! I took an Epsom salt bath, but this time, I added 1/2 cup of sea salt. This tip I learned from my friend, Dr. Pamela Grover, who works with Dr. Leila Kirdani at Quality of Life Medicine in Rochester, NY. She said Epsom salt and sea salt baths were great for helping headaches, and I'd certainly had my share of that over the last three days! SO, in went the sea salt, along with the Epsom salt mixed with lavender and orange essential oils.

Ahhhhh...................

It's just an hour later, and I really do feel much better! I ate an English muffin (bland sounded safest) with butter and here I sit... in my underwear while my clothes dry. You know how it is, right? Mom gets sick and all anyone else can do is feed themselves and let everything else pile up. Surely, why would anyone want to do any more of Mom's Job than they have to? She has nothing else in the world to do anyway, right? Uh-huh...

Sigh

And that is why we must recover quickly. Getting buried under housework could mean having to run to the grocery store naked! Thank heavens I freelance from home, if the lack of pants didn't throw a coworker or client, the rollers in my hair most assuredly would.

Stay Healthy, My Friends!

Turquois in the Middle of Winter White

It's been a long winter, hasn't it? My gosh. I don't mind the cold, normally. But waking up to negative temperatures day after day has been... well, negative. This past week, I've found myself resenting winter so much, I'm silently vowing to never wear white during the spring and summer seasons. Clearly, who wants to wear white after they've spent three or four months living in an oasis of it? The blahs abound. I find myself frequently writing posts for Namaste about Ayurvedic ways to reclaim energy in this season that seems to freeze us into total stillness. The inspiration is purely environmental!

A new "environmental inspiration" came via my mailbox today. My friend Jessica, who owns this exciting shop called Nouriche Boutique, sent me a special treat to try! I had never heard of t.s.pink Bath Whip before, but I am now quite grateful to my friend for having made the introduction!

As I study Ayurveda, I've gained interest in abhyanga, which is a method of oil massage that is used to bathe the skin, encourage circulation and bring a general sense of balance to the body and mind. I use a light sesame oil before I shower, and though I cannot claim to spend the full, recommended 20 minutes pre-shower, I do make sure I hit the most Sahara-esque areas (heels, knees, elbows and hands!) and it really does help! My hands are not as dry as they have been in previous winters, and we all know this is a harder winter than we have had in a while!

Still, the Vata that I am will always deal with dry skin. My thoughtful husband gave me a jar of O'Keffs Working Hands Hand Cream, from his store, and it is helping too. But the thing my practical man doesn't quite understand is that I love when a product brings you an experience. You know what I mean, right? The color, the texture, the scent... all cause your endless stream of thoughts to suspend for a little while as you take it all in.

THAT's what happened when I tried Turquoise Bath Whip! Whew! This is an experience! It has a wonderful scent that had me thinking of warm weather, water and a mineral spa. The texture is light and smooth, the color serene. The ingredients list begins as this: "Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Organic Jojoba Oil, Organic Almond Oil, Organic Aloe Juice..." There is nothing in the list I cannot define. That is really cool! Plus, the oils bring me back to my original intent in studying abhyanga: protecting my skin instead of stripping it as soap does.

The directions for use are as follows: "Scoop just a few small fingerfuls of your nutrient-rich Bathing Cream™ and go crazy. Work yourself up into a later and then cream yourself clean." In short, massage! So I did. The more you work this product into your skin, the more luxurious the lather becomes. SO, this actually accomplishes another goal of abhyanga, right in the shower. Being a multi-tasking mama, this has serious appeal.

No tight skin post shower either! I hope you can try this product. I owe Jessica a great big Thank You for introducing me!