Mii Pass!

Little Miss is having a ball with my pre-Christmas splurge for the family: a pre-owned Wii Fit Plus system. She's doing (wonders be) yoga with her trainer. The trainer demonstrated a particular pose (I believe it was Half Moon), then says, "Let's try it together now."

Little Miss, very brightly, replies "No thanks, lady!" and hits "Quit."

Enunciate the 'th' in the Medial Position

On our way to the mall and we're listening to Christmas music on the radio. "I Ain't Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas" is playing. The Dude is quite verbal about the quality of the singing and trying to decide if the voice is male or female.

Little Miss is very quiet for nearly the entire song. She about three-quarters of the way through, she mutters, "She just can't get that 'th' in there."

Looks like she's paying attention in speech therapy!

Santa's Sweatshop

We were waiting in line to see Santa just two days before Christmas, and The Dude comments that one of the elves (a young boy about eight) wasn't a real elf.

"Of course he is not a real elf!" I say. "Do you think Santa lets the real elves out of the workshop two days before Christmas??? I'll bet he left Mrs. Claus up there with them and she's saying 'You'd better get all those toys done or they'll be no cookies for you for a year!!!'"

If that's not bad enough, I remind him of the poor little sweatshop elves when he starts rattling off a bunch of new items on his wish list... I know this is all going to catch up with me someday...

My Country 'tis of Thee

The kids are working on crafts. The Dude's is a stained glass Koala bear. He has to get all of these little crystals into these teensy spaces, then they will melt and meld together when we bake it in the oven.

I showed him the suggested pattern on the package as I picked an aqua crystal out of a pile of red ones. Collin stopped me.

"I don't want mine to be like the package. I don't want them to be the same. I want them to be all mixed together, like Americans."

I'm the Law 'Round these Parts!

Justice is pretty swift 'round here.

The kids are playing cowboys... I take it they're U.S. Marshals. They use fitness balls for horses. I think the very act of riding their "horses" would make any fitness trainer proud! As their bodies bounce up from the ball, they use their hands to scoot the ball forward. Thus, they've landed a bounce ahead of where they were. Little Miss is especially good at traveling in this fashion.

Their dad was headed back to our bedroom, I expect to watch a little ESPN Sports in a space where he might possibly hear the television. No sooner had he walked into the bedroom, The Law slammed the door behind him and began to celebrate the capture of their notorious criminal!

"We got him!" The Dude cheers.

Little Miss, totally stoic, says "If he says anything, kill him."

Wow! I hope Hubby clings to his right to remain silent!!

Merry Christmas, Mom

My son gave me possibly the best Christmas gift I will get this year.

Surprisingly, it is not one of those fabulous cinnamon ornaments the kids make! It takes a lot to top those fragrant beauties! I hope someday I have enough to decorate an entire tree in nothing but cinnamon ornaments. Likely, I should have had more kids to accomplish that goal. OR, I can make my the two I have "cinnamon slaves" over vacation and we can mass produce some!

I did get a fantastic cinnamon ornament, adorned in glitter, shaped like a gingerbread man, and smelling purely delightful. But I also got a card...

Made of red construction paper and decorated with a blue cut-out shaped like a snow globe. Inside the globe is lots of glitter (totally makes any project, doesn't it?), an elf colored green and brown, and a coordinating reindeer.

The bottom of the snow globe is decorated with some sparkly circles, a gold seashell sticker, something of foam that resembles a turkey, and a foam lizard.

Inside is the best part. A note from my son, to me.

My Mother
My Mom is about 32 years old

(already this is the greatest card ever, as he's given me back four years of my life!)

My mom has brown hair. She has two children. She buys me the best presents. She is a good cook. She works on the computer. She is a nice person. I love my mom.
Love, The Dude

If you've ever wondered if you would want to be a parent, you may want to do it, just for the fan mail.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

The Dude likes mint, but he is rather selective with his mint choices.

He didn't like a particular flavor of gum.

"That one spices my nose up," he says.

Game Over!

We've lost. It's officially over.

My husband asked my daughter to let out the dog. She refused, repeatedly.

"I'll spank you," he says. (With the exception of life threatening infractions, we are not spankers)

Daughter turns back to dad, bends over and says "Bring it on!"

Kid 100 Parents 0

Technical Expertise

My son just called me a "Tush Mechanic."

I suppose it is an accurate title. Both kids are regularly, well, irregular.

The last couple of days, The Dude has been dealing with some sort of stomach bug that started with vomiting and ended up with diarrhea, or "Butt puke," as he described it.

So the worst is past and he's getting back to normal. I got him in the bath, to wash away the last of the sick-ick. There was a brown speck in the water and he was thrilled. "You washed the mole off my butt!" The Dude hates that mole. Though I try to convince him it is really, really cute (it IS really, really cute!); he seems to think it is some tangible proof he is defective. As if those incorrigible rooster tails weren't bad enough!

So, in less than 48 hours, I'd resolved his irregularity *and* seemingly rid him of this horrible mark of imperfection! I was the most amazing mom ever!

"You're like a tush mechanic!" he exclaimed.

Then he realized the mole was still there...

I'll take the momentary glory, thank you.

I Know a Guy....

The Dude is pretty sure he can score us iPhones for Christmas. He says he will just tell Santa and it will happen! I think Santa's going to need to have his credit limit extended...

His grandma was amused by this. She asked him "Do you know a guy?"

He looked her straight in the eye, nodded oh-so-seriously and said "Saint Nicholas."

Minions!

The Dude and I are reading about the unique species of wildlife in Australia. Tonight, we happened upon Gastric Breeding Frogs. As I read, we learned these little creatures actually stop digesting food for eight weeks as the young gestate in their stomachs! When they are ready, the little ones hop right out of their mother's mouth and into the world.

The Dude's eyes were wide with wonder.

"It's like she opens her mouth and thinks 'get out, minions!'"

Did he seriously just use the word MINIONS in a sentence?

"Dude, do you know what a minion is?"

"Yup, the little guys that do your work for you."

Whoa, man. Did the kid eat a dictionary?

Act Your Age?

After school today, The Dude told me he'd been really good at school all day.

"I acted like a grown-up," he said.

I asked how he'd acted like a grown-up and he said "I just do what the teenagers do."

"What do the teenagers do?"

"Act like gym teachers," he said.

I'm not sure I want to know what the gym teachers do!

Knock It Off, Jackass!

Anyone who knows Little Miss will tell you she is slow to warm up... to say the least. Coming out of her shell has literally been accomplished at a snail's pace with the help of some patient and talented people over the course of years. Every time we've had some little breakthrough, it's awe-inspiring. Really, she's a sweetheart. She's been called "possibly the nicest girl in school."

Little Miss started talking late. When she did, her first sentence was "I'm the queen!" Though I was certain of it's accuracy, I had little grasp of the evergreen quality of her statement.

Hugs from this child have an incredibly intoxicating quality. Cuddle with her for 10 minutes and you will feel so relaxed you will fall asleep!

After months of vision therapy, Little Miss started picking out cars in a parking lot. She compared and contrasted near-identical Pontiac Grand Ams... my excitement was nearly impossible to contain!

The first time she ever got dizzy, she brought tears to my eyes.

Hearing her read (there was a time when teachers and parents alike wondered if it was possible) - another emotional moment.

There've been many hard-earned milestones and accomplishments. Possibly none as profound as her recent increase in ability to express her emotions. We realized the full expansion of her abilities one night over dinner.

The son and hubby were ribbing our Little Miss. I sat and ate. It was all in good fun, nothing mean at all. Little Miss is always a good sport anyway. Most everything rolls off her back... but not quite this time. I cannot begin to recall what was said, only that the laughs (hers included) were perforated by a bubbling exclamation:

"Knock it off, you jackass!"

Whaaaaaaaaaat did she just say???

You have to know (once we stopped laughing) this has become the new family anthem! Our sweet little girl laid those boys out in under five words, and no one in these parts will forget the power of her directive anytime soon! Talk about a tension breaker!

It's been stolen by everyone... but me... for now... I'm saving it. I have the perfect moment in mind. Good things come to those who wait...

The Bunny Tamer

Little Miss been watching wildlife shows with her dad. She quickly catches on to the tone of the narrator, and carries that with her to her room at bed time. Feeding her bunny, Peeps, and talking the entire time as though this long-eared beast is the rarest of species.

"Look at these amazing black spots! Oh, you're a wild one, aren't you girl?"

This is also how I find out the bunny has residence envy.

"Yes, this wild creature escaped just tonight!" Little Miss tells her fascinated audience. "When I found this beauty, she was sitting on the bed inside the Barbie house! She likes to go there some times, it's just a hippity-hop away!"

Which Fairy Does This?

At six years old, girls already mystify The Dude. He is at a loss why they do not like him... and is still infuriated by the one who put glue on his seat months ago. He is impressed by his older cousins, who seem to have lots and lots of girl friends. Tonight he asked me, in essence, what they have that he doesn't.

With sparkling eyes and raised eyebrows, he asks, "What's the magic spell?"

The Health Equation

Family Christmas happened this weekend. The Dude's allergies seem to be acting up (or he decided to play them up since he was very anxious to get home and play with his gift!)

He comes to me and says "My stuffy nose is adding up!"