A Little Bit Autistic

We're planning our first ever family vacation. It's coming up so fast! We'll be on our way to Florida before we know it. We've planned it in a rush, because some people just don't do well with waiting and planning for things. As such, like all things that happen in a rush, issues are coming up that we may end up paying for months after this little adventure has concluded.

This isn't really my style at all. I am a planner. I try not to do things I do not KNOW with all certainty I have the time, energy and resources to take on.

It could be said, I am wholly lacking in spontenaity. I wouldn't be offended.

SO, as these things crop up, the hair on the back of my neck is also beginning to appear as vertical to their follicles. I've been told by several to chill out. Relax... it's a once in a lifetime thing... and for one of my children, it might be the only good thing they ever experience in their lives, so I should just do everything I can to make the most of it.

Yah, did you get that? I believe the quote was:

"She's not going to have much to look forward to in her life."

or maybe it was

"She's not going to have a very happy life."

I have to remember that it is the words I hate, not the person who said them.

High-fiving a friend for a job well done!

Meanwhile, the person whose life is apparently already over in some minds, is making some really big gains in mine. She has not identified with the Autism diagnosis in the past, because others she knows to be Autistic are more severely affected than her. It makes sense, really. If you don't act like the people you are told are Autistic, how can you BE Autistic yourself?

I haven't pushed this. It's more important she knows WHO she is than what others classify her to be.

It would seem that she is starting to understand the spectrum that is Autism. I've talked to her about Temple Grandin, and we've even connected to a young woman on the spectrum who is beginning her career as an ABA therapist! There are SO many positive role models who are also Autistic!

Last night at bedtime, she asked me about Autism. She asked me what causes it, and then "am I a little bit Autistic, mom?"

I was honest.

She said "I don't want to be Autistic! This is just... ridiculous."

Hmmm... yep, it does feel ridiculous sometimes. Why my baby? Why my friends' children. WHY anyone? Ouch. It's scary. The future is scary, because there are so many more unknowns than for most mainstream children.

But you know, I didn't tell her she wasn't going to have a very happy life. I didn't tell her she had nothing to look forward to. I told her she is amazing. I told her I love her. I said "you have already done so much more than anyone thought you could do! You grow and surprise us all of the time, and you will never stop growing and surprising us. You can do anything you want to do. Remember this honey, you may be different, but that doesn't mean you matter less."

You see, as her mother, it is impossible for me to believe her future is bleak. I did not bring this child into the world to suffer. I'll be damned if she will not thrive. Hopeless talk hits me like a rock in my chest at first, and then (pardon the language) it just pisses me off. Her life is far from over. She is headed ever upwards and I WILL do everything I can to make that statement ring true over and over, year after year, until the time comes when I am not physically here to do so AND THEN I intend to use whatever earthbound energy God sees fit to give me to sit on the shoulder of my children (because there is one not on the spectrum who I feel just as strongly for) and continue to whisper "you can, you Can, you CAN, YOU CAN, YOU WILL!!!" in their ears every single day until they draw their last earthly breaths and our spirits are finally rejoined in the ether of time and space.

Over the years, her teachers and therapists and I (and of course, my Little Miss) have worked together and found key after key and unlocked door after door and brought this child further and further out of her cocoon and into the light of being. The keys are coming slower these days, but they do still come. If you want to focus on tragedy and lost potential, I guess that is your choice, but I see miracles. I see potential. I see wide open space in which ANYTHING is possible - things we can't even imagine!

DO NOT pity us. DO NOT PITY MY CHILD. By being unbound by the constraints of mainstream society, her potential becomes BOUNDLESS. I'd advise you to take a big, deep breath; sit back; and prepare to be completely astounded.

A Crossroads

There comes a point in life, when you realize your worth. When you decide, you simply are not going to settle for being placed in a position that makes others comfortable, but doesn't utilize your own strengths and skills. It's not OK to be shoved in a corner. It is NEVER OK to allow yourself to be shoved in a corner, when you are meant to shine!

That said, it is also not really OK to assert yourself where you are not wanted, either. It's not fair to you, not fair to those you are imposing yourself upon. It's just time to go. Sometimes, it means letting go of things you always wanted to be part of your world. That makes it really hard. Sometimes, it means accepting that the people you most wanted to SEE you, to accept you and appreciate you are never going to. It means being ready to open your arms and your heart to the people who DO see you, who do appreciate you, who do accept you. Not easy, is it?

The great thing about the man without a country, is that he can choose to make ANY country his own! The same is true when you are pushed out of a "nest" you always thought you'd call a home. You have wings... don't be afraid to use them. It's time for flight, observation, and finding a new place for your heart to dwell.

What Might Have Been (and wasn't!)

I feel compelled to just blurt out somewhere in type all of the things that didn't happen this past weekend. Depending on your perspective, it was both eventful and uneventful at the same time. I am very thankful for both the events and near-misses that have me seriously wiping sweat from my brow and lifting my eyes to the heavens and whispering my thanks quite often even still. Maybe I should just get right down to it. I do still have to clock in and get some work done today; maybe emptying my head of all of this will help move that intention forward.

Here is what didn't happen:

Angel prevents fire, then reveals herself in a dream

• We didn't have a house fire (almost, but thankfully, nope!)
• We weren't stranded in town with both keys and phone locked in car (for long, anyway)
• We didn't have to cancel any play dates
• We didn't have to not share pie with loved ones
• We ceased to have to fight about whose turn it is with the iPad
• We didn't have to cancel a special ladies day I planned two weeks ago

Here's what happened:

• My quilt rack in the bathroom caught fire
• I locked my keys and phone in my car while grocery shopping
• We hosted two play dates
• We baked and shared a homemade blackberry pie with my brother, dad and a handful of nieces and nephews
• I had a wonderful chat with an angel (in my dreams, but aren't dreams the very best place to find inspiration and enlightenment?)
• The iPad fell into a coma (issue remains unresolved, the only "Hanging Chad" of the weekend)
• We had a lovely little breakfast, just mom and the kids, at Bob Evans
• I made it to the Trillium Lodge for Sip 'N Paint with my mom and sister

Here are some take aways:

• New house rule: If someone lights candles in  your home, that person should be personally responsible for making sure they are all extinguished. When you are so fried you compel someone to draw a bath and light your candles for you... you are in no shape for taking responsibility for extinguishing them - really, you are not
• It might be a good idea to give your nearest neighbor a spare key to your car (my nearest neighbor gave birth to me, this seems a wise move)
• At the ages of 8 (and up I hope!), play dates amidst chaos do not seem to add more chaos, and even seem to reduce chaos at times
• iPads need Otterboxes
• When sharing pie with loved ones, bake two pies... because life is always better with more pie!
• Sip 'n Paint... as much as humanly possible.

  

  Sip 'n Paint Friends - can't wait to do this again!

Canadian Thieves?

The Dude lost his glasses after swimming a couple of weeks ago. I was livid! How many times have I told him NOT to leave them on the window ledge outside the pool? "Put your glasses case in your swim bag, and store your glasses in the case. They will be safe there!" If that weren't a decent option, I sit at practice nearly every day, just hand them to me!

SO, when the glasses were not on the ledge after practice, he was stressed, and I was steamed!

We went back to the pool to notify his coach. Without hesitation, she suggested the custodian likely had them. We found Mr. Custodian in the hallway, and sure enough, he did.

The following week, we were headed off to the pool again. This time, The Dude has his glasses case! I praise him for remembering. He smiles and said "I won't let the Canadians steal my glasses ever again!"

Whaaaaaa???????? The Canadians??????

"Isn't that what Mrs. Coach called that guy who had my glasses? The Canadian?"

And this, my friends, is how cultural bias begins...