Doubt

So much doubt. So much confusion and mistrust. My path is not the same as most, it seems. I haven't been a nine-to-fiver for years, and it seems that world... either doesn't want me or I just am not right for it... I don't know. I can't imagine being gone all day, full time, from my home. Not yet. As I watch my family sit, plugged in to their video games and devices, I know what I would come home to.

Everything I currently try to accomplish during the day — still waiting for me.

Common belief is that I do not make enough money. Not everyone believes in budgeting or self-restraint. Some want the easy way - the 'just throw more money at it' way. More and more and more and more money and the problem is - when you keep throwing money at a bottomless pit, you never do fill it.

So following the path I am on is not easy for me. I do what I love, but part of it has to be done while the kids are home - after school - and very little is accomplished while I am gone. The kids will complete chores that I designate for them while I am away (at least they did last week - that was the first time I asked!), but nothing gets done that I don't outline. If this house is a ship, it seems I do not have a first mate.

And it's a total crapshoot - this yoga thing! This is crazy. Totally crazy. You can't count on people to dedicate themselves to class. How on earth do you expect this to be a living? I doubt it is even possible. I think I need a "real job."

The Real Job I have pays nothing, and aside from yoga, the real jobs I want are nowhere near here... and I'm so outdated... I doubt I can get them anyway.

Doubt. So much doubt...