You don't have to be cruel to be kind.

While Autism rates are climbing, there are still many who have not had a whole lot of interaction with people in this community. It is a spectrum, for sure. One thing to remember is that a BIG piece of the Autistic mind lies in social misunderstanding. Autistics can miss so many social cues... but you know what? Their loved ones don't.

So, if you befriend someone on the spectrum, get ready to be honest. I mean HONEST. Because sometimes they will love you too much. Sometimes, they won't love you enough. They may say things that don't come out the way they intend, and sound really funny or maybe really hurtful. Sometimes language skills are not on par with yours.

Your friend may not smell good all of the time. Showering may not be important to them. They may not take care of their hair the way you wish they would. They may not know how, or it may feel painful to them to manage it. They may not have much fashion sense. Maybe you don't like the things they are still fascinated by. Let me just tell you here, that your feelings are OK. People change.

Here's the thing: you can be a HUGE help. If this is your peer and that person really admires you, take some time and tell and/or show them what it takes to get that gorgeous hair. If they don't smell so good, you can say so. A good friend would. You don't have to be mean, but you could ask "did you remember to use deodorant today?" If the friend says they forgot, you might say "I like when you remember to use deodorant, you always smell great when you do!"

Let me tell you what doesn't help. Ignoring doesn't help. Vanishing from their side without any explanation doesn't help. I get wanting to run away. I get not wanting to say things that might hurt someone else. But guess what? Your friend may not ever realize you need a break, or even that something is wrong and if they do, they may not be able to accept it without your help. Many Autistics focus with high intensity on an incredibly limited number of things. It is hard to be in that spotlight all of the time. If you are, realize that you are likely on a pedestal. You can do no wrong, even if the way you are treating your friend really isn't right. Other people may even try to point out that what you are doing probably means an end to the relationship, but that information will hit a brick wall.

This post is solely about my experience. It is written with a lot of love. Not all experiences will be like mine. So if you are Autistic and reading this and NONE of this describes you, I understand. Your friends will never need this insight, but others will. I hope this is helpful.

Up and Over

I'm no marathoner. I'm not a flashy yogini. I like to do a lot of things, and I am mostly average or slightly below par in most of them.

I've learned to run. I'm not fast. For me, being able to run 3-5 miles without losing my breath is a BIG deal! I couldn't do that as a teenager. With age, I've learned about pacing. With time, I've learned the value of intentions.

There've been a lot of "I" statements in this post so far. Not all of this is about me. Some of it is about YOU.

You who struggle.

You who have bad days.

You who ask for prayers.

You who keep fighting - though your income has dipped or your relationship falters...

Yep. Some of my running is for you.

Up and over this hill. Not a steep incline. A gradual one. One that on hot or particularly blustery days, can seem endless.

When I know you are struggling, I take you with me.

I call to you, "C'mon! C'mon! Don't you see the top? Let's get it!"

I take the boy who beat cancer and the one who's almost there on every climb. Sometimes, I take the wife of a police officer, or the single mom, or the single dad. Lately I've added the drug addicts and their families. Sometimes I take a whole farm (and all the farms!) with me. Sometimes I take the teachers, the administrators, the aides of special needs kids, the special needs kids, my kids, my family... the dog I saw that came up missing (I sometimes figure my dog, Storm, has that one's back on that particular outing).

There's a whole team at my back and do you know what?

WE make it over this hill EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Believe me. You were there. Did you feel it? I always ask on the way back down. I hope you feel as empowered as I do. You see, I needed you, as much as you needed me.

That's the point.

Ridiculous

Do you think?
If it were your child bearing that label, would you be so quick to use it describe every negative thing in your life?