You don't have to be cruel to be kind.

While Autism rates are climbing, there are still many who have not had a whole lot of interaction with people in this community. It is a spectrum, for sure. One thing to remember is that a BIG piece of the Autistic mind lies in social misunderstanding. Autistics can miss so many social cues... but you know what? Their loved ones don't.

So, if you befriend someone on the spectrum, get ready to be honest. I mean HONEST. Because sometimes they will love you too much. Sometimes, they won't love you enough. They may say things that don't come out the way they intend, and sound really funny or maybe really hurtful. Sometimes language skills are not on par with yours.

Your friend may not smell good all of the time. Showering may not be important to them. They may not take care of their hair the way you wish they would. They may not know how, or it may feel painful to them to manage it. They may not have much fashion sense. Maybe you don't like the things they are still fascinated by. Let me just tell you here, that your feelings are OK. People change.

Here's the thing: you can be a HUGE help. If this is your peer and that person really admires you, take some time and tell and/or show them what it takes to get that gorgeous hair. If they don't smell so good, you can say so. A good friend would. You don't have to be mean, but you could ask "did you remember to use deodorant today?" If the friend says they forgot, you might say "I like when you remember to use deodorant, you always smell great when you do!"

Let me tell you what doesn't help. Ignoring doesn't help. Vanishing from their side without any explanation doesn't help. I get wanting to run away. I get not wanting to say things that might hurt someone else. But guess what? Your friend may not ever realize you need a break, or even that something is wrong and if they do, they may not be able to accept it without your help. Many Autistics focus with high intensity on an incredibly limited number of things. It is hard to be in that spotlight all of the time. If you are, realize that you are likely on a pedestal. You can do no wrong, even if the way you are treating your friend really isn't right. Other people may even try to point out that what you are doing probably means an end to the relationship, but that information will hit a brick wall.

This post is solely about my experience. It is written with a lot of love. Not all experiences will be like mine. So if you are Autistic and reading this and NONE of this describes you, I understand. Your friends will never need this insight, but others will. I hope this is helpful.

A Note for My Daughters

I have one birth daughter, but feel that the young ladies coming up in the world after me are, in a sense, all my daughters. As such, I have an obligation, to share what I've learned, to tell you the truth, to show you what the view from there looks like from here, and vice-versa.

Thirty-eight seems like a lifetime away when you are 13, 18, 23... but honestly? It is a blink. The older you get, the faster it goes. Let me let you in on a little secret: Life ain't over when you hit 21. You are not old at 30. The reality is, your life, the life you will love and enjoy most, is only just beginning. You will have some realizations in your 30's that will absolutely floor you. You will regret some things from your youth, and you will celebrate some great things you didn't even know you did at the time.

Here's my advice to you:

1. Care for your skin as if you were already fighting wrinkles and sun damage. When you are at the age where you actually need to worry about wrinkles and sun damage, you will have less to worry about. In short, you do not need a tan.
2. Drink water. Please don't even talk to me about pop or alcohol! Forget your friends, your body is your TEMPLE, and will be with you long after your friends have moved on. Water is the perfect drink. Give thanks for it, and partake often. 

   

   No makeup at 38.
   You don't need it either Teen!

3. No makeup required. Wear it if you want, whatever. But one day, you will be comfortable in  your own skin. It is then you realize that your bright eyes don't need a frame of heavy lashes and eyeliner - maybe such beauty shouldn't be contained in painted frames anyway. 
4. Dress for school as you will one day dress for work. School is your job. If you do not plan to be a hooker when you grow up, please do not dress like one to go to your current job. Boys pay attention to hookers, boys also notice the young ladies who act like they have some self-respect. You will intimidate some. You will also save yourself some heartache.
5. Be nice to the people other people are not nice to. Some day, they will write you notes about kindnesses you extended that you do not even remember, and it will remind you that even your early years had meaning and value.
6. Don't curse in type. Don't post slutty pictures of yourself on the internet. It will get you attention, yes. But if you do this and then start whining about all the nasty boys who want to date you (and do way more than that, believe it!) you will get no pity from me.
7. If you want to repel adults and people who might one day seek to employ you, ignore #6.
8. Get outside. Life is short. Computers have a history. Phones have voicemail. Leave it all in the house and Get. Outside! Take a book or some things to draw with. Go for a walk, fly a kite, I do not care!!! Get outside and make some memories. When you are older and stuck in an office, you will have some stored happy to keep you smiling.
9. Your parents love you. Yep. I promise. You think they hate you because you can't go with so-and-so and stay out all night or whatever the stupid thing is they are making you do that irritates the crap out of you. Believe me, they are not trying to torture you (yes, I thought mine were torturing me too). Truth is, you scare them. You are beautiful and full of potential and the idea that something might in some way compromise that, scares them to death. As well it should. No one in this world will love you like they do, so suck it up and deal. A hug and a "thank you" from a child has never killed a parent either, just sayin'...
10. Your lumps, your bumps, your moles, your glasses, your teeth, your hair... oooooh honey. They are perfect. Just perfect! Stop worrying and breathe a little, would you please? Just because you do not hear "you are gorgeous" every day does not make it any less true. No one likes a conceited, self-absorbed little snot. Worry about being smarter, not thinner. Worry about if you are working hard enough to attain your goals, not if you are doing the right things to get the attention you think you need.

Ten guidelines may be a lot to remember, but you can come back and re-read them as often as you need. You know what? Sometimes I have to remind myself of them too. I love you. The universe Loves You. Be good to you and treat yourself right, OK?